You are warm.
You are the color orange.
You are mischievous.
You are filled with adventures that I don’t yet know about.
You are a promise of brighter days.
This all sounds so cheesy when I type it here, but quite honestly, this came to me without even thinking! I feel as if I have traveled backwards this year, going from goals that were fixated on “making it all work out perfectly,” to not knowing whether or not tomorrow is going to go as planned. Back in January, I was so focused on performance. On getting it right. On the big picture, so much so that I neglected to see what was right in front of me.
I made plenty of mistakes.
I invested in things that now looking back, I didn’t need to invest in.
I spent time obsessing over details that do not need to be obsessed over.
And if I broke from my “rules” I told myself I needed to do better.
I don’t myself that every set back was my fault.
I think because I spent so much time traveling last year I thought that I somehow had to make up for lost time. I had to somehow prove something. To meet certain expectations, and if they weren’t done up to code, then, well, I will have failed miserably.
And that was only three months ago. It’s so crazy to think how much can change. How much perspective can be shifted so that the way you show up for your day is unrecognizable.
So, with the color oange, this warmth, little adventures, and brighter days, I’m looking to focus on forgiveness. On being ok with not being ok. On getting it all wrong so that you know that you do and don’t like. On changing your mind. On deciding that something is no longer for you.
On going back to basics. Yeah, that’s it. Going back to basics.
Everything does feel a little up in the air at the minute, but I plan to keep showing up and doing the work, trusting that these shifts are going to pay off. That by recognizing that something needs to be different, I am thereby taking the first step in listening to my heart rather than my ego.
Also, there are SO many flowers blooming in the backyard! I can’t help but feel more hope in every little thing I do or don’t do.
Alright loves, that it for now. Talk soon!
All my love,
This Wildness in me
I stomp my feet against the earth
rustling up what was once still and settled
eyes fixated on the horizon—
vision clouded by the disturbance I caused.
The way my body warms and comes alive against the desert sun without any effort at all.
Is worthy of celebration
But I forget this
Soon pushing it away,
as if this feeling isn’t worthy of belonging to me.
But it’s always worth it.
To keep showing up.
To keep falling short.
To keep proving myself wrong.
To keep feeling unprepared for the messiness of it all.
Even if all I do is rustle the earth
& turn my face to the setting sun
an image now imprinted in my mind.
With my eyes closed
and heels turned,
these thoughts float off somewhere—
somewhere very far from here.