The Beauty In It All // By, Nicole Nakamura
Man, I did this "my story" thing for YouTube once upon a time, and I recently re-watched it to see how far I've come; I was living in Hawaii at the time, (my dream). And surfing as much as I could. Until the Lyme took a turn for the worse and I couldn't surf let alone carry my board down to the car. I slept through life and classes and couldn't work.
I was done, and I was sure I didn't want to fight anymore. Just like that. It all went away and I wanted to go away.
I didn't want to deal because I didn't think I could. Yet I came home for a semester to treat under close supervision, and I finally "gave in." I'd like to say I surrendered rather than gave up. I let myself heal. Gave permission. It was quite the thing you know. I didn't know that's what I was doing differently at the time...but it is; I finally allowed myself to not be a sick person, but to let myself be a healing person growing into my strengths.
Of finding my soul and my inner most being through the muck of pain.
Now in my late 20's, and 7 years of treating. A master of art therapy and a working therapist, I'm not done yet. Not even close. It's never fully gone. I wonder if it can be? I think it will be one day. I feel so far removed from it. Yet the lessons of strength, perseverance, tolerance, patience and listening have only strengthened and keep repeating but without so much pain. The emotional pain is almost more unbearable. But I don't have to let it consume me.
I let it teach me and try to stay in tune with my Soul. Lyme is like this annoying teacher that keeps me coming back to my peace and balance but only through some training first.
Lyme is hard. No questions about it. But it gives back a lot if you let it. Even still I am learning. When I backslide with the depression and anxiety, It's because I ignored all my boundaries and only tried to please others. It's when I don't energetically protect myself or I don't rest enough. I also know I backslide when I allow too much rest. I'm re-learning to be embodied as a path to healing fully. It's pushing yet listening to my body, my intuition and my heart. It's all so beautiful and painfully connected. Stay connected to your true self within. It never disappears, even in the emotional and physical pain. You are always present and ever powerful.
But that's the beauty in it all.
I never would have learned how truly sensitive I am and how beautiful it is to take sacred care of myself. Stay connected to your true self within.
Curious what Nicole is up too right this very moment?
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