Posts tagged MTLCreative
Sense Of Self

Lyme disease can be very insidious, sneaking its way into places, thoughts, and memories where it shouldn’t be, making it a daily struggle to find the line between your sense of self and your illness. Sometimes I look back at moments from my life and I cant help but question `whether or not Lyme played a role in them. I question if my identity evolved and grew organically, or if those changes can be attributed to a bacteria existing outside of my control effecting my moods, personality, and health. At this point in my life it’s hard for me to actually remember what it felt like to be healthy, but I can picture it. I see snapshots of myself full of action, moving through life with an electricity I can’t quite grasp anymore.

I see a little girl swinging from trees, a slightly older version dancing ballet or riding horses, I see myself at 13, a girl full of ideas, just starting to glimpse the real world. As clearly as I can picture these images of health, I still can’t feel that feeling. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with that, and to be able to forgive myself, and my body for not being able to feel it...

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