With the windows only opened a crack, I can tell it’s a cold morning. I had planned to give myself more time to write this, a whole hour in fact, but at this moment (slept straight through my alarm) I only have 10 minutes before we’re headed out the door to California. Where we’ll be spending a week with my family celebrating while celebrating my grandpa (through the act of spreading ashes in some of his favorite place AND eating delicious food, of course).
Just as Fall feels as if it’s in full swing, work and my day-to-day does as well.
You see, I like to stay busy. Busy enough to not have to think about what might be sitting just below the surface (anxieties, insecurities, uncomfortable conversations, you name it). In a way, it’s kind of like avoidance, but with a modern twist, as I put all of me into work projects and other to do’s. And as soon as I’ve finished one? It’s on to the next.
And if I’m not working, I should be learning something new, and if I’m not learning something new, I should be reading a book, a self-help book, and if I’m not reading a self help book, I should be moving my body in some way or getting outside or making a delicious meal or writing or volunteering or…
Not enough is what I have ringing in my ears if I’m not careful.
And these past few days I have had the opportunity to slow down a smidge, and with that came a whole slew of anxious thoughts that had me pacing and snapping at others when asked if I was ok.
I know it’s not me.
I know that’s not who I want to be.
Someone who glamorizes work to the point of suffocating themselves and the things they’re passionate about, while, not to mention, spreading themselves so thin those passions are more like little side hobbies that one gets to spend five minutes on before moving onto the next thing.
Because in that cycle, it’s always the next thing. There’s never just reading for fun or writing for fun or going on a walk without your phone—just because. It’s a constant. A busy that doesn’t let you think about anything other than being busy. Anyways, I’ve reached my 10 minutes, which is quite frustrating as I now have what feels like a million more things to say to you.
But let me just “get to the point of all this,” really quick.
It’s ok to take time for yourself.
It’s GOOD to take time for yourself.
And you can do so while also being there for others.
In really big and life changing kind of ways.
I’ll be back soon with more thoughts, no doubt.