Posts tagged more than
In Harmony With Myself: Telling Myself I Can Do It Just Before I Decide To Give up

Hands are shaking, check. Head is throbbing, check. Stomach is churning, check. At any given moment I can stop whatever I'm doing, feeling these symptoms pulse through my body like that have done for many, many years.

Slowly but surely, we made our way up the dirt path. A path leading us towards a clearing in the trees not far from where stood. As we continued upwards, I began to make out the white of the mountains above the treetops, as if luring us in with their brief but impactful presence. 

I stopped to catch my breath, letting the cool of my hands soothe my eyes. As I recoup and continue up the path, I think back on my reluctance to take this adventure. Why? I asked myself I over and over. It's almost as if I have been trained to say no, only ever looking for the parts of me that are in pain. The parts of me that feel anxious. The parts of me that I deem unworthy.

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How Opening Up To The World and Being Vulnerable Changed My Life For The Better

Back in high school, I was told, over and over, that my grammar wasn't good enough, and the structure of my words just didn't work. As I was told these things, I began to believe them to be true. I actually convinced myself that some things just weren't possible because I wasn't enough. 

Who I believed myself to be began to change when the weight shifted from 'create what you love' to 'only show the world the parts of you that are deemed worthy' by society.

Now, I am not here to rant about the way our school system is set up, but rather, to shine a little light on the parts of you that you don't believe to be enough. To create a space for those of you that struggle with confidence, anxiety, chronic illness, sense of self, vulnerability, sensitivity, and beauty. For those of you who have so much to say, but don't know how to share their creations, their resilience, and their beauty that hides beneath layers of doubt, fear, and idea that you are not enough. 

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Taking Note Of The World Around Me

That the way I think things should be, and the way things are, are different. For example: I have Lyme, and I wish I didn't - among other things...

I continually find myself working towards goals, dreams, ideas, projects, practices, and habits that all fall under the realm of, "things I'll do when I'm better." Or rather, "things I'll actually be good at, able to accomplish, and follow through with when I'm feeling like myself again." When I'm no longer sick.

It's as if, without realizing it, I can't ever give it my all because I have already decided in the back of my mind that it's not possible. That the things I wish to do can be started, but not finished until I'm, well, healthier, stronger, braver, and more "secure" than I am now...

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Putting Your Whole Self Forward Amidst the Setbacks of Living with a Chronic Illness

Rather than the bits and pieces of yourself that you deem worthy. Rather than hiding those "un-worthy" pieces beneath the surface of uncertainty, doubt, and the fear of whether or not you will be accepted as a whole, by yourself, and those around you. 

It's terrifying, yet at the same time exhilarating, believing that you can do it. That you can take what feels like a broken body and mend it together with hope, strength, and a determined mind. YOU can do it. YOU can put your whole self forward and be seen as something incredible, by you, and those that surround you. Those that love, honor, and support you no matter what...

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Terrified of Losing That "Creative Spark" While Fighting Lyme Disease

I am terrified.

Terrified of losing my ability to create. To write. To take the many expressions of myself and plaster them against blank page after blank page, with the signature cup of tea steeping for far too long beside the clicking of my keyboard.

Since arriving home from our trip to Europe, I haven't been able to bring myself to write, at least not in the way that my expectations had set for me.

I told myself, with all of this new found wisdom and inspiration, that I would be able to write for hours each day, effortlessly sharing moments past, but the truth is, my mind is having none of it...

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Real Talk

I often wonder who I would see, how I would feel, and what I would say if I came face to face with myself.  

Would I see a girl that doesn't give enough, isn't smart enough, or is too flawed to feel worthy of the life she has been given? Would I see someone lost, weak, and full of fear? Or, would I recognize her truths? Feel the effort that she has given to live a life based off of the positive, not the negative?

Yeah - I would. I would, or at least I'm going to tell myself that. I'm going to tell myself that because whether or I believe it, it's true. 

One small shift in the way you think will cause a ripple of change into every single aspect of your life.

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