Posts tagged creativity
When Wellness + Self Care Make You Feel Like You Aren’t Enough, Redefining What It Means to Be Badass + Writing a Book

I wasn't planning to come on here and write a post or publish a story until after the More Than Lyme Adventure, but here I am. Funny how that goes. I suppose I was craving something more personal. You know, less detailed planning and more of a non-restrictive creative source.

At the beginning of the month, I told myself I would have three stories published. There haven't been any posts since the end of January.

At the beginning of the month, I told myself I would have started side project A, B, and C. I dabbled in C, but it just wasn't happening. 

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What More Than Lyme Really Stands for + Why You Are Encouraged to Fill In the Blank

Never once did I think I would share this much. To dig a little deeper, reach a little further, and try, each time, to open up just a little bit more about the ideas, projects, adventures, values, and endeavors that are important to me. 

It usually takes a lot of persuasion on my part to sit down and write - it's not until later that I feel what some might call the flow. But at first? I am met with nothing but resistance. Resistance and at least five cups of tea in procrastination of, well, this. 

Good news, the tea is happily brewing next to me, so we can continue on without any further delays. 

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Yes, You Are a Writer: A Message to the Seemingly Unattainable Goal + Why You Already Have Everything You Need to Attain It

I'm separating myself from the things I’ve written, occasionally allowing a scan through the words, picking up a few sentences here and there. Convincing myself that whatever emotions and experiences I was able to get through then, I wouldn’t be able too now. 

In a way, the person who wrote that doesn’t feel like me. Sure, if I allowed myself to read through I’d find a remarkable similarity, but at the present, I don’t. I sit at a distance, never giving myself the pleasure of getting to know the person at the other end.

Maybe I’ve told myself too many times that it’s an unattainable dream, to be a writer. 

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Finding Validation In Your Experiences: Why It's Taken Me 15 Years to Not Just Trust in Myself, but be My Own Best Advocate

I sit here, fingers tapping the 99 cent notebook I just purchased, a victory as it mean't more ideas took up the pages of another, I begin to stir in my thoughts and wonder if this feeling of groundless-ness has anything to do with my inability to make any semblance of a routine right now.

First, these posts take on the form of words, like validation, worthiness, advocate, best self, all scribbled onto a piece of paper until something comes together and makes some kind of sense. Usually, they come to me as I'm leaving an appointment, picking out new tea at the local grocers, having a conversation with a good friend, or sometimes, if I'm really lucky, as I am armed and ready with a pen and notebook in hand. 

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What It Means to Find Your People: Thoughts on Coming Together + Being Part of an Unbreakable Community

I am just now emerging from five days spent nestled in a log cabin along the mackenzie river with a handful of my favorite people... 

Preparing for a wedding that would very quickly reaffirm my meaning of community and just what it means to come together, building something out of very little. Rather, building something incredibly beautiful out of a few bits of wire, twin, and netting, some eucalyptus and dahlia's, dried willow branches, two incredible chefs, at least 150 polaroid pictures, and an out-the-door line up of hard workers, at a location that was on the cusp of a rapidly approaching wildfire, two miles away to be exact. 

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Losing Creative Confidence + Doing Your Best to get It Back: Thoughts on the Ebb and Flow of Fighting Lyme + Forgiving Yourself When Moving Forward Takes Longer than Expected

Warm yellow light streams through my window, a fresh bouquet of flowers sits beside my computer, a photo of my mother holding a young Chloe looks up at me from the corner of my desk; I'm surrounded by goodness, by uplifting reminders, by things that should give me everything that I need to take whatever today brings by storm...

But my motivation dissipates as my eyes linger on the unchecked boxes and mind fixates on the number of weeks it's been since I've been able to properly execute an idea and follow through with the pending ones. Why haven't I asked them about this, reached out to them, written about that, finished those projects, spend more time on this while focusing less on that? It's endless and draining, serving no purpose other than to take jabs at my confidence and do its best to halt all passion driven pursuits. 

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