Re-Writing Your Story: On Making That Change, Cultivating New Dreams, and What Falls In between
When I go to write about something, whether it be a place, an adventure, experience, or what have you, it’s never about the sights I took in or logistical details, it’s the feeling. It’s where I find myself emotionally. It’s what comes up as I pack my bags—the resistance that’s felt. It’s, as I have said many times before, the moments that fall between the big.
The decisions made and not made. Thought through and hastily jumped into. The way I turn a blind eye when I comes to finances, telling myself before actually looking at the numbers, that I don’t have enough, which feels an awfully lot like, “I am not enough, nor will I ever be.”
How am I still applying pressure in all the wrong places?
And how is taking my own advice still impossibly difficult?
If you can take a trip, take a trip, just whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up for it. And if hopping on a plane isn’t an option, still out of reach, or even of interest, that’s ok too—you’re figuring things out. You’re deciding whether or not the path along the beach or up in the headlands is the one for you. You’re falling short, avoiding certain topics of conversation, and struggling to fill in the gaps where that support is needed.
You’re a human doing very human things, not some aloof and neglectful nomad who has forgotten to pack socks with those sneakers. And it’s ok that you aren’t always able to recognize your gains, take those pills, see that progress, and step out of this very comfortable spot and into that one over there.
To feel inspired without needing to explain why. To just, do.
Though I have certain tendencies, and probably always will, I get to choose how I go about dealing with moments like this. Moments where I could share the same excuses, walk the same line, apologize for, feel guilt over, and call myself unsuccessful because I make [blank] amount and work [blank] many hours a week.
Moments where I could share the same story, but I don’t.
Sharing that story has brought me here, and though here is absolutely wonderful, it’s not lasting. It’s a different story. Something that might include a little more travel and a little less structure.
So, what if I were to shift things over? What if I were to dig a little deeper and reach a little further, where would I end up? Would I regret it? Most likely, no, but even if I had doubt, there’s always the option of mixing things up.
Of writing and re-writing and not writing at all.
Of choosing actions over words to express who you are.
Of waking up one day with a different story—a different dream, or maybe, you build an addition to your previous one. Either way, the freedom is there.
There are no rules or way to go about things and the decision we make? They're not perminent. Not when you look at the big picture, anyway.
Right now, I have two other posts I “should” be writing, but instead, I’m sharing with you this moment, while sitting in a tiny cottage on a tiny little island sitting just west off Scotland, listening to the wind hit the windows as the sun hides behind blustery clouds and my coffee grows cold.
All my love,