This Is Where I am Right Now, and That's Ok. Navigating Expectations + The Pressure We Put On Our Future Selves

Full Moon at Shevlin Park
Holding off. Stepping back. Looking at the opportunities in front of me at a different angle, with my eyes wide and heart full of simple moments. 

Moments spent with the ones I love, in the places that encourage us all to thrive at a pace that works in harmony with where we are right now, rather than trying to catch up with the expectations that we hold over ourselves. That we carry with us with us no matter how many times we try to shoo them away. 

Part of me is terrified of where I am right now. Part of me wants to drop my responsibilities and run as fast as I can in towards a stress-free, doubt-free, and pain-free place. But, the part of me that keeps digging. The part of me that remains curious, knee deep in ideas and half finished projects, that's the part of me I want to stick with.

That's the part of my that I want to hold on too when it all feels like too much. When the future seems to carry more weight than the present.

Why is it that I continually try to navigate and over analyze the moments that have yet to happen? Why is it that, no matter how hard I try, I simply can't let my future go unplanned; something, anything at all, has to be in place when thinking about what two months from now will bring, let alone tomorrow.

Sure, there are some things that we must take into consideration when thinking about our future, but when it comes to the creative projects that fuel us, that encourage us to thrive amidst the chaos, and to push back when it can so often feel completely overwhelming, those moments are incredibly beneficial if we allow curiosity take the wheel rather than our expectations. 

How Not To Plan For Your Future

When you find yourself questioning and worrying about everything from whether or not you should go to that yoga class, having spent too much money on your supplements, where you should be this time next year, to not having spent enough time doing the things you love, try and separate the things you can control over vs. the things you do not.

To start, pick out the things you do have control over, and write them down on a separate piece of paper. Now, below each one of these things, write one or two ways in which you can implement them into your routine this coming week. Whether it be every day of the week, or an hour, or even five minutes, the important part is that you can control this, and even if you try but don't feel creatively ready, or in the mood, think of that moment as a victory. As time spent actively working towards something that brings you joy. That will lift you up rather than stress you out, pulling you further down the path of internal questioning and self doubt. 

Now that you've done that, on a separate piece of paper, write down all the things that you do not have control over, and immediately cross them out. Why have them laying around if there is nothing you can do about it right this very moment?

For instance, I have a few blog posts and projects that I'm really excited about, but I'm just not making the time for because there seem to be about a million other things out of my control that I can't seem to get out of my head. So, I will set aside those million other things, and focus on just one. One that I know will bring me an immense amount of satisfaction and happiness right now, rather than potential security in the future. 

What To Do When Planning Is Necessary

Say that I'm worrying about my finances (which is an all too real reality). When I try to plan my future around how much money I need to be making in order to support myself, my view suddenly becomes very narrow, only allowing myself to pursue things that will bring in ______ amount. However, when I switch my gears, slow down, and take a look at where I am right now, I see that maybe the me right now doesn't necessarily need to be making enough money to buy a house, 100% support myself medically, and live completely independently while working a 9 - 5 job, because honestly, I'm quite certain that a 9 - 5 job isn't something that will make me happy. Isn't something that will improve my well being and health, which are important things to take into consideration when moments of planning do come up. 

I can see these things when I step back, but while stuck in the thick of it, all I can think about is the cut and dry. The things, jobs, and pursuits that do not fit in with who I am right now, and honestly, that's ok. 

Most importantly, take things one day at a time, while remembering to go easy on yourself when you do start to worry. So rest easy. Rest easy and know that most of us haven't a clue what we're doing, and that's okay. In fact, I would say that's quite exciting - who know's what might happen next! Right now, I am struggling to spend time on writing, but I'm quite certain that's because I haven't been making the room. Because I have been spending most of my time worrying about things that will, in their own time, be sorted out. 

Let's take this whole life thing day by day, shall we? And if that's just not possible right now, please do not beat yourself up! There is plenty of time to do whatever it is you wish to do.

With All My Love,

Chloe