Running Away From Creativity + How I Found My Way Back
I have spent a ridiculous amount of time telling myself that I'm not smart enough, strong enough, or able enough to do the things things I love to do. To write the things I want to write. To see the things I want to see. To go to the places I want to go. I tell myself these things because it's easier to run away than to sit down and actually do the work.
You put your pen to the paper, waiting for that magic to happen, waiting for that moment where your fingers start moving and your ideas take over your doubts.
It doesn't matter how many times someone tells you that you're good at something, if you don't think you can do it, then you probably can't. But if you do believe in yourself, if you do give yourself the benefit of the doubt, then you will have a better chance of over-coming that obstacle, getting into that school, fighting that chronic illness, and writing that novel. You will have a better chance of doing that thing that you love to do, whatever it may be.
What is one thing you have always loved the idea of doing - or have even done a couple times - but you have always found yourself running away from? Why do you think that is?
Now, I realize this can be a sensitive subject, especially when there are MASSIVE obstacles in the way. When there are physical or mental blockades that make doing these things seem completely impossible. So, in no way am I trying to play this down.
Quite the opposite, really. Fighting a chronic illness makes you strong, capable, and resilient. Fighting a chronic illness takes away more than words can say, but it also finds a way to give back.
I sound crazy, right? Good, keep reading...
As I sit here in my bed, telling myself that what I'm writing IS WORTH IT, that IT WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE, I am reminded of the two hours ago Chloe. The Chloe that told herself she was too tired, too cold, too hot, too achy, too confused to write. That she should probably just stop now because no matter what she will never believe in herself. I am reminded of not the Chloe then, but the Chloe now. The Chloe that did not run, who always fights for who she is, and will never give up. Not even in the face of self doubt.
So, what better a place to start than right now?
As I sit here in my bed, writing because I can. Writing because I am not my illness. I am writing because I love it, that is the only affirmation I should need.
If it makes you feel good, if it gives you a chance to be swept of your feet, then do it! Seriously, the only thing you have to lose is nothing...
Well, maybe just a couple hours of really loud silence and aggravating emptiness, but we move past it. We don't let those uncertainties bog us down or hold us back.
Plus, those moments are just a part of what makes it worth it; it will be incredibly frustrating at times, things won't always go smoothly, and you won't always be swept off your feet, but you will have showed up in spite of your inward and outward battles.
You will have because this right here, it's what keeps you moving forward, and it's what makes you tick. It's what makes you you. And sure, you're complex, but that's just part of what makes you beautiful.
So go ahead, do what you need to do. Set aside whatever you're doing right now, take five minutes, and write down a list of things you'd like to do (this list can be as long or as short as you'd like). Write that list under the canopy of worthiness and confidence. Write that list with the idea that no matter how many mistakes in your past, or obstacles found in your future, you can do this.
I know it feels impossible, but it's not. We're right here with you.
So...what has been inspiring you lately?
Share as much or as little as you like,