October 4th, 2018: The Permission That's Needed.
It’s nearly 10am and I’m sat at a kitchen table that overlooks the cascade mountains; we’re in Seattle for a few days, and contrary to popular opinion, the weather is deciding to put on quite the show. And with this sun still in the golden-hue part of the morning, I’m under the illusion that summer lingers on, though when I look down and eye my wool socks and sweater, that illusion fades, and quickly at that.
There seems to be a theme this week, one that involves wanting to run away from and hide behind. To retreat and make myself small. To dig deep only to come back up to the surface, leaving everything that’s even the slightest bit uncomfortable, out of sight.
It’s a sinking feeling, one that reaches further and further down until your lungs are short of air and your ability to see the possibilities of the day quickly fade as the light from the surface grows darker, making it harder and harder to grab hold of what you know to be true.
It’s all still here, I remind myself. It’s all still here.
And the fear that has settled in my chest is only normal in the face of changes much bigger than ones self. Changes that have you stepping entirely outside of the comfortable. Out of the place that you’ve settle time and time again. That place that you know makes you feel safe, but also keeps you hidden.
Those places of comfort are important to go back to in moments of reset and self love, but when they become your forever go-to, it’s easy to lose sight of what you can do. Of all that you have to offer yourself and those around you.
Some days showing up for yourself very much looks like a good book and cup of tea, while others have you standing on the front lines of what you believe in—in what you know to be true. Both are good and both are necessary in order move from one moment to the next without shrinking.
Both give you the permission you need to push yourself in ways that allow others to lean on you, and look inwards, asking yourself the hard questions and making sure you feel supported in all areas of your life, and if not, asking yourself what can be done to make sure that you are.
But both aren’t necessarily easy to come by. Both require dedication and forgiveness when you do get that sinking feeling. When showing up looks entirely different right now than it did two hours ago.
And then there’s the hot cup of something delicious, uplifting conversation with family & friends, and those that remind me that it’s all going to be ok. Those little moments.
The in-between. Ohhh how I adore them.
Talk soon & love to you always,