September 6th, 2018: Re-Writing the Narrative Around Self
It’s around 10:30am and I’m pouring myself another cup of coffee, the third of the day, and I know I know, I always go on about my coffee habits, but I cant help it! It’s just very much part of who I am; a daily ritual that brings me an incredible amount of joy, and anything that brings you joy should be talked about & celebrated.
I’ve finally warmed up to the idea of decorating our home; it’s been nearly three full months since we’ve moved into our new space, and up until a few days ago, the walls were bare. Could it have been my indecisiveness? My resistance to change? Whatever the core reasons might be, I had had enough, no longer willing to play by my old reluctant rules: “don’t start before you’re certain you’re ready and there’s a well-thought out plan in place.”
When I play by these rules, I can plan for the same outcome, and when I know of the outcome, I can feel safe, only ever working from inside my comfort zone.
Looping. I’ve been looping. Setting myself up on a trajectory that leads to the same place, with the same feeling, while taking the same steps to get there. Ok, so now that I’ve recognized this about myself, what’s next? How do I begin to break out of this mold?
I decorate before I’m ready.
Sure, that wall will be blank, and that one will have gaps between photos, but you’ll have done something. You will have moved just enough outside of your comfort zone to take deliberate, mindful, and purposeful action towards change.
Change that will encourage me to continue to step out of my own way, and by doing so, take part in something I would have otherwise opted out of based off of reasons A, B, and C. You see, instead of trying to make these big changes all at once, to start, you can take steps between the steps.
You can break the mold within the small moments, and therefor, rattling and shaking up the bigger ones, readying them for the change that coming. For the you that’s entirely capable of all those things that once felt out of reach or impossible.
Where do you go from there? You try something. You acknowledge another loop or thought that’s rooted in, “that’s just the way I am,” or “I’ll never be able to that until I’ve done______,” and challenge it.
For me, this means completely re-writing my narrative and not being so afraid to mix up the story that I’ve been telling myself over the years. To re-cast myself as the heroine instead of the friendly but illusive neighbor with the funny looking dog (whom I love dearly & will do anything for).
It should be noted that with these changes I have had to reprioritize. Meaning, the usually story posted every week or so, is a little bit more spread out.
Not going anywhere, just leaving a tad more room for re-writing and re-casting.
Or something like that, anyway.
Talk soon, Chloe xx