October 18th, 2018: All That We've Done & All That We Are
It’s pitch black outside, I pull the blanket from the couch and rest my coffee on it as my legs are curled up underneath. I can hear the train in the distance, a sound that seems to transcend time, as suddenly it’s 100 years ago and I’m doing the same thing, just without my computer.
Apart of me has always thought that I could easily fit in during a different era, which is usually (always) when someone brings up disease and famine and hardship I neglected to see, that I quickly recognize how truly lucky I am to be who I am, where I am, with the means and privilege that I have, and after a longish pause, admitting to the romantic scene I was painting a picture of. “I’ll daydream in private,” I think.
Anyways, back to 2018. I have an idea as to how today will go—what will happen, who I’ll meet with, what we’ll discuss, the projects I’ll map out, and such things, as we move forward, are being crossed off with extreme satisfaction. Though I have to say, I haven’t started writing a newsletter before 7am in quite some time, so maybe I am on that trajectory?
You see, it’s easy to think, especially when we’ve been in a continual state of let down’s and false stars, that simply because we’ve proved ourselves wrong this time, that at any moment we’ll be let down. That whether it be satisfaction, the feeling of productivity, contentment, or excitement around a project or moment, it just won’t and can’t last, and simply because “that’s how things are.”Or at least that’s what I’ve told myself. At least that’s what my subconscious has convinced my conscious of.
And maybe we would be let down, even if we weren’t anticipatory of that outcome. Maybe things would unfold just enough for us to retreat or feel less than. After all, it has happened before! But maybe, maybe we could challenge ourselves enough to stay in this moment. To celebrate our success instead of being on the look out for the next obstacle, even if it’s right in front of us and impossible not to see.
Letting go of the grip of how we think today, tomorrow, next week, or even next month will go, because when we step back, even if ever so slightly, we may better be able to see all that we’ve done and all that we are, while still making room for the daydreams and the misadventures.
The things that make us wonderfully and without question, us.
Talk soon & love to you always,