February 14th, 2019: A Chilly Morning & Thoughts on Being More Than Enough
Good Morning, All.
There’s a light snow covering the entire outside world, at least from where I can see. Branches, rooftops, and tops of cars barely even know it’s there. I’ve gotten up especially early this morning, rolling myself out of bed and into the kitchen to make coffee, long before the sun would touch the tops of these snow covered trees.
I never go into this knowing what I will say. There are ideas rolling around, things I know I should maybe cover as far as “what’s new” goes, but for this, I simply show up, seeing what spills out, and usually surprised by the amount of emotions I’m attempting to process all at once, and I should note that it’s impressive that I’m in the slightest bit surprised, as at any given moment, there’s a whole universe of unsolved, pending, and all-consuming thoughts taking over the space both inside and outside of my body.
And despite getting up early, I’m also rushed for time, which isn’t the most ideal, and I definitely did lean on the side of not sending this, but then that feeling one gets when they know they need to show up for something, even if it’s strewn with spelling errors and grammatical mishaps. Even if it’s miles and miles from perfect, and 75% of what’s said, is nothing short of directionless ramblings (no offense intended or taken) for the over-thinkers and aimless mind-wanders.
So here we are, both of us probably having made it this far through our little letter, full this, that, and the other rather-difficult-to-process thing, and regardless of what those things are. Regardless of what my things are. The weight that they carry is for no one else to judge. The weight that they carry might feel heavier some days than it does others. The weight that they carry is not something to be prodded and dissected, but observed and forgiven when it all takes longer-than-expected to work through, which is almost 100% of the time (I could be wrong, I do hope I’m wrong, so don’t hold me to this).
I suppose I don’t really know what the point here is, with thoughts before the sun rises and we, again, pack up our bags, load the car, and head south to a place blanketed in snow, but at this point, I’m not too bothered by the unknowns…
Maybe it’s to remind you (because gosh knows I need to be reminded, too) that however you’re showing up today, is ok. Is enough and worthy of your kindness. Maybe it’s to remind you that this heaviness that’s felt? This weight you’re carrying? It doesn’t make you “too much” or “overly emotional,” it makes you a caring and empathetic. It makes you, you, and just because it’s on your back, doesn’t mean that others (like us, here!) can’t help you carry it.
Maybe it’s (selfishly) a way to remind myself that I’m not alone. That no matter how many things go uncrossed, unfolded, and strewn across the floor as I climb into or out of my bed, doesn’t dictate or determine how my night or day will go. Doesn’t get to decide who I am, what my labels are, and how success is viewed, and even more importantly, felt.
Your success is endless. Your strength is endless. Your ability to navigate this world, to move through, around, over, and between the chaos and the rubble, is jaw-dropping. Is something not to be questioned or reckoned with.
You, right now, with your most likely disheveled hair and wrinkled pj’s, are far more than enough; there is nothing to prove here, just as long as we keep showing up as we are, dropping the expectations and moving from this moment right here.
Love you all so much,
PS. Happy Valentines Day!