January 3, 2019: Dear Incredible Community
The emotions that often tag along with this time of year always end up catching me off guard. I’m curled up in my favorite chair with the fluffiest bathrobe and now warm cup of coffee. The darkness is still streaming through the windows, pushing up against the candlelight, lit what feels like ages ago.
I didn’t think I would get up at 6am, after a rather frazzled evening of notes, notebooks, my computer, ideas, pens, erasers, and highlighters. Whilst swimming in all of this, I came to the realization that there is a such thing as over-the-top planning.
Of to do’s that counter their actual motive, and in turn, pushing back against productivity and motivation.
That can, on the rare occasion you go to far, make you feel less than. Make you feel like the weight of your immediate world has been placed on your shoulders for you to deal with now and only now.
It all feels very fragile. This moment, my emotional state, and the thoughts whirling through my head. This is the time of year that the goals are a sky high and my fears of not being able to do the darn thing(s) are right there with them. In short, I am rather frozen, or at least it appears that way.
Sometimes it lasts a week, sometimes the entire month or so, but regardless of the length, I am no in a position to do everything I can to counter it. To give myself every reason to believe that I have got this and that I am enough, as I know that’s what I would say to you if you came to me with the same scenario. And maybe you’re in something of this place too. Maybe those fears are swallowing you up and the ideas that felt fluid and natural a few months back, now consume and add stress to your every thought and move towards those goals.
However much this feels, I know that I have been here before, and in fact, simply implying this means that I will move through it again. It’s all part of the seasons and the tides. The ebb and the flow. The way we circle back round to things as if tied together by an invisible string.
The candles are now burning low, at least for my standards anyway (I like to preserve them, which actually means not burn them or burn them for 10 minutes so they can continue to hold their perfect glow, aesthetically reflecting back at me through the dark window), and my warm coffee is entirely gone, and I’d hate for you to think that I’ve been in this miserable state since the beginning of December…
Far from the truth. In fact, I’ve mostly been with those I love most. Laughing, eating, adventuring, and enjoying the company of family. This is just the internal battle. The parts I’d prefer not to share, and certainly avoid as much as I can, as they seem silly and minuscule next to the support network I am so incredibly lucky to have.
Anyways, before I ramble on too much, I’d like to highlight a few things that have been happening within our community recently. Things that I would be honored for you to be part of.
That, and to thank you for being part of this community. That feels so small when I say it, but I hope you know that I would scream it from the mountaintops if there were attainable at this moment. You guys are incredible.