May+Week+Four+Membership

why hello!

It’s sunny here for the first time in a long time, the rain having been a regular occurrence for a good week now, if not longer. Everything looks and smells of Spring. The leaves are extraordinarily green and lilacs in full bloom.

There’s just something about this season that leaves a stirring in my gut and a feeling at my core that even if you don’t know what you want. Even if things remain entirely unknown, that it’s ok. That one doesn’t have to have it all figured out in order for it to work out.

Working out being a very broad term, one that can include setbacks and what feel like failures.

I’ve been asking myself a lot recently, “what is it you love to do” When thinking about what it is I want to do. It being many different things as the scope of who you are does not limit itself to one pursuit, but in asking myself what it is I like to do, a whole range of things end up coming up, and not all at once, more like a slow trickle.

While I’m drinking my coffee in the morning.

When I’m taking my dog for a walk.

And especially so when I’m trying to get other things done, I can’t seem to keep my mind from wandering back to that question. Of course, there’s the practical side—certain areas do need to be met, whether that’s financial and health-related, but having been on autopilot for so long. Having stopped myself from thinking I could do or be anything other than what I’m doing and being right now, was so wild and out of the question, I never dared to go there.

And yes, sometimes the question, “what is it you love to do,” and “what is it you do,” do overlap, but I think there’s this expectation these days to make sure that they always, always do. That they have to be the same thing otherwise you’re not following through on your dreams. But the more and more I tried to keep everything intertwined, the harder it was to see clearly what parts of me I might be neglecting or shoving to the side because I don’t think “it’s the right time,” or simply, that there isn’t time.

I’ll just wait until I have it all figured out before I start writing again.

I’ll just wait until I make more money so that I can better support myself before I take time out to write.

I’ll just wait until I have more free time and less side jobs before I start writing again.

And when I say writing I mean writing outside of this platform, as this is all I’ve ever known. I’ve never tried writing anywhere else or for anything else, and though it has been a gift beyond belief, I don’t want to keep stopping myself from thinking that I’m capable of writing about the whole gosh darn world if I wish.

And it all comes back to what I think I’m worthy of or not.

Of where I’m most safe.

And what *expertise I have to back this feeling.

Expertise to back a feeling—what a silly thing! Yet I can’t pretend that it’s not there.

But the thing is, what if I want to write and travel and have a salary job so I know that I am financially supported every month, then by all means, I shouldn’t have to choose one in order to make it valid. I can say I am all those things, even if I just write in the evenings. Even if I travel once a year.

So, this week, I would love for us to ask ourselves, and really did deep, “what it is you love to do?“ Setting aside the question of money and how you’ll make a living, but what are those things that get you excited? That make you want to keep learning. That give you hope and drive and a passion for thing greater than this immediate bubble we’re in?

This isn’t to say that these things, or one of things things, can’t be your full time thing one day, but to ask this question without expectation—the only purpose being to have it make your heart happy.

That will keep making you the best version of you. And they might be simple, so simple, but don’t stop yourself if they are. Don’t think you need to add anything else or make them anything more just for expectations sake.

In doing this exercise I think that we are, in turn, celebrating all that we are.

Here are some things that I love to do:

  1. Travel. My gosh I love it so much.

  2. Write, specifically alongside travel, but since the two can’t always be intertwined I like to keep them separate. More room to explore that way.

  3. Pick flowers or simply look at flowers.

  4. Long mornings with a coffee in hand and my family beside me, hopefully somewhere where the sun can shine on our backs, warming us up from the inside out.

  5. Learn. To stay ever-curious about things like space. Things that I normally don’t allow myself to think about. Fun fact, I used to want to be a astrologist, but told myself at an early age that I had to be smarter to do so. Crazy how harmful our thoughts can be, huh? Because truth is, I could still pursue that if I wanted. Or even allow myself the simple gift of learning more about the universe as a whole.

Now, I’d love to hear from you? What is it that fills you right up? What is it that makes you, you? Do share in our FB Group, either starting the conversation yourself or hopping in in the comments section!

Talk soon and all my love,

Chloe