Week One. June 3- 9th.
Oh why hello! Welcome to June.
Today was a funny day, filled with mood swings and emotions that frankly, leave me quite exhausted.
I spent much of it wandering around the house feeling entirely useless and terrible. Terrible about myself, where I’m at with my pursuits, health, and other general to do’s, and the fact that I wanted to vacuum the house but didn’t know where to start or what to do first. Or even if that was the right thing to do in this moment.
Overthinking? Yes, no question about it.
I knew that I needed to do something about it, but the idea of actually figuring out what that thing was felt entirely daunting and I wasn’t sure that I was up for the task.
The variety of things we can feel in one day can vary quite drastically, even hour to hour. Recognizing that yes, much of it is within our control and there are things that we can do to better support ourselves in that moment, but that the pressure to always self-reflect and always fix the problem sometimes becomes part of the problem itself.
Sometimes, one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. To acknowledge what is happening both internally and externally to make it so, and to let it be. To be ok (relatively speaking) to the fact that you’re very much not ok right now.
Rather, there can be so much pressure to reflect. To work on and with ourselves. To make ourselves better versions of ourselves at all times. And though I am in full support of all of these practices, the expectation to always be actively “on,” to always turn a difficult moment into a learning experience, is a lot to ask.
And I think that it’s perfectly ok to give ourselves permission to step back and actively not be active in our attempt to fix, make sense of, or get something from a painful or uncomfortable moment.
To move on in our own time, reminding ourselves that never will anything ever be implemented perfectly, and sometimes (quite ironically), it’s when we leave room for what me might not be expecting that the biggest shifts happen.
It’s when I stop planning and stop trying to control every aspect of my day, of how I feel and what I need to do in order to feel differently, do I actually start to feel more at ease; I’m less angry and more forgiving with my current self, which will in turn make my future self much happier and less analytical of the direction the day has decided to take.
Sometimes I need a good cry or laugh.
Sometimes it’s a walk.
Sometimes it’s curling up on the floor.
Sometimes it’s Netflix.
Sometimes it’s work.
Sometimes it’s writing.
Sometimes it’s making a meal.
Sometimes it’s calling a dear friend and chatting about nothing in-particular.
Sometimes it’s a trip to my favorite coffee shop.
Sometimes it’s a drive out to the desert.
Sometimes it’s opening a window.
Sometimes it’s picking flowers or just looking at them.
Sometimes it’s not anything I’ve thought of and I’m pleasantly surprised by the outcome. Sometimes I remember to add it to my toolbox incase that activity might come in handy again, and sometimes I forget, though somehow always finding our way back to one another by way of a little extra space to feel without and a set of expectations of self that have been lowered to allow for that space to be made.
I suppose what I’m getting is, and in light of our focus for the month, receiving can be in whatever form you need it to be in. It can be from yourself, others, a treasured experience, or a difficult moment; there are no rules on how you should get from here to there. There are no rules on how or what you should be feeling after. There is no right or wrong way to move through—you and you alone get to decide how you wish to receive whatever is coming up right now. A terrifying but often times liberating thought.
Maybe that’s asking for help.
Maybe that’s falling a part before you can even begin to put the pieces back together.
Maybe that’s distracting yourself.
Maybe that’s saying yes to something you’d normally say no to (or the other way around).
Maybe it’s a lot of things, but regardless of what or how it’s done, I want to challenge you to give yourself a break when it comes to the details of the in between.
Because sometimes those don’t become clear until later. Or never. Or when you’re least expecting it.
Talk soon & all my love,