Hello & welcome back!
Sometimes I wish I was able to separate my emotions from my tasks of the day, but the truth is, doing so is near to impossible. Ok, entirely impossible. I used to tell myself that my posts and content would be much more to-the-point and organized if I did, but after trying to do so time and time again, it felt so far from me I just had to stop.
There are raw emotions, ideas, thoughts, obstacles, moments, always standing between here and there. Between those things we have to get done and when we allow ourselves to breakdown a little. When we allow ourselves to fall a part just so we can move through something. Life is busy, messy, chaotic, and entirely unpredictable, so trying to schedule in when we’ll feel something is quite the task indeed. Maybe it’s been done before. Maybe this is entirely dependent person to person. Moment to moment. Feeling to feeling. Maybe. But in trying to compartmentalize everything I inevitably miss a few scattered thoughts and emotions here and there. The box falls open and I’m left with more than when I started.
So here I am, exactly a year after my grandpa died, feeling into it all while also showing up for the things that are important to me (like this). So yes, there is no doubt that I’ll shed a few tears here and there (in fact I just did), but one of the best ways I could celebrate him would be to write. Would be to do what I love.
To create, and funnily enough, that’s the focus of the month. But I want to make sure we’re mindful with that word because many of us (most of us) have a complicated relationship with that word. With creating, as that very things is somewhat rooted in how we choose to process. And processing can be uncomfortable. Can leave us feeling exposed and vulnerable.
But creating doesn’t always have to be this huge gesture. Creating something can be as simple as making a delicious meal, potting a plant, making a collage, writing two pages in your journal, going for a walk and observing the world around you, or sitting on the front porch and listening to the sounds of Spring as your coffee sits warm in your hands.
Creating is whatever we need it to be in that moment, but sometimes we put so much between us and it. We make it unreachable, at least until we’ve done A, B, or C. And maybe there are those obstacles, those very real obstacles, but we can also adjust, scoot over, and allow for other things to take place. I know for me sometimes the most lasting and fulfilling creative acts are the smallest. The ones no one else sees.
Because remember, it’s for you, not anyone else. Creating is an expression and no one else gets to decide what that looks like, and that includes your past and future self. Even if you haven’t created or done what you love most in a while because of certain obstacles, know that it’s still part of your life. For instance, when I don’t write for awhile, I have a hard time calling myself a writer.
But the truth is, I don’t care if you’ve only painted once this month, year even, you are still allowed to call yourself a painter, even if that means daydreaming about your paintbrushes and a fresh canvas.
So in our chat tomorrow, I would like to keep things simple.
I would like to talk about (emotions and all) what it means to create and why I’ve stopped myself time and time again because I don't think I’m able or worthy.
What obstacles & emotions I have to work through in order to starting creating again
Re-defining what it means to be an artist/creator when you have obstacles between you and the thing you want to do so badly.
Our secret superpower (hint: it’s basically what I was talking about above).
A new way of setting goals that I think will actually stick (and why much of that has to do with regular adjustment and allowing myself to change my mind).